Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
