My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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