I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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