hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
