So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
