Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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