well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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