this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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