theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
