I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
why do cheetos always look like penises
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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