Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
tell me about the eggs
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
