u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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