on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
