I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
