I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
