Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
