Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
