Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I understand Curling. That high.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
