can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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