She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
