I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Swine flu. Run for my life!
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
