I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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