im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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