He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
