Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
