I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
