Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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