Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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