I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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