When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My hand turned me down
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
