I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
