The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
