You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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