I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The beers last night were like the tears from god
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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