Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Randomize
