I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
