I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
