You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
