chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
