Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
