I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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