smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
why is half of my head shaved?
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