Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
