A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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