i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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