david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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