did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
