I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Girls should come with a carfax report
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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