Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
we made out on top of his cat.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Randomize
