hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
