Cold hands, warm shart.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
