you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
