you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
