You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
