Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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