So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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