I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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