She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
