You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
