I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
