i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
