if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
