Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
