Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
