He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
