Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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