hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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