I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
