i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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