Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
