The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
false alarm, still single
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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