so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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