Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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