I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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