A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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