Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
