Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
