i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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