Just fell off a train. Bad.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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