don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize