I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
