WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
