This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
