My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I understand Curling. That high.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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