Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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