While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize