I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize