I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He better not be in your backpack
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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