just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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