so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
