allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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