i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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