What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
