All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
