I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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