the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize