I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
