Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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