Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
