The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
