Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
