Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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