I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
