I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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